Embracing the Ego: Why I Choose Balance Over Ego Death
Hey friends, it’s Whit. I’m here to talk about something I’ve seen floating around a lot in spiritual spaces: ego death.
There’s no shortage of people talking about it—some have gone through intense experiences, some have sought it out through programs or practices, and many tout it as the ultimate spiritual achievement. The idea is that if you “kill” the ego, you reach a state of enlightenment, pure presence, or some kind of deeper truth.
But let me be real with you—that never quite sat right with me.
In my early stages of awareness and awakening, I heard a lot about the ego being the “enemy.” The thing to be conquered, subdued, or erased. But something about that didn’t feel aligned. Why would I want to deny, shun, or push away any part of this human experience? If I’m here in this physical body, in this reality, then every part of me—including my ego—must serve a purpose, right?
That’s why, instead of waging war on my ego, I’ve chosen partnership.
Why the Ego Isn’t the Enemy
The way I see it, the ego isn’t something to be destroyed—it’s something to be understood, balanced, and loved. Think of it as a well-meaning but sometimes overenthusiastic friend. It steps in to protect you, to give you a sense of identity, to help you navigate this world. It’s not inherently bad—it just gets a little loud sometimes.
The ego is the part of you that says, “Hey, I need to be seen. I need to matter.” And you know what? That’s okay! The problem comes when we either let the ego run the show unchecked or when we try to banish it entirely.
In my experience, the best path is balance. I listen to my ego, I acknowledge its concerns, but I don’t let it take the driver’s seat. And I certainly don’t try to cut it off completely—because, spoiler alert, those parts of you that you try to exile? They don’t just disappear. They find their way back, often louder and more demanding than before.
The Ego Death Question: What Are You Really Trying to Get Rid Of?
If you’ve been considering ego death or have already experienced it, here’s a question I’d invite you to sit with:
What part of you are you trying to shun?
Is there an aspect of yourself that you don’t want to look at? Something that feels unworthy, unlovable, or too painful to face?
Because in my experience, those pieces will always come back around to be loved on. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but at some point, they’ll surface again—waiting for your embrace, not your rejection.
So instead of trying to “kill” the ego, why not try integrating it?
Ancient Wisdom: The Ego as a Sacred Messenger
Ancient spiritual traditions didn’t speak about the ego in terms of eradication but rather as a force to be worked with and understood.
In Hindu philosophy, the concept of ahamkara refers to the ego—the “I-maker” that gives us a sense of individual identity. Rather than eliminating it, the goal is to cultivate awareness of how it influences our perceptions and choices. The ego isn’t a villain—it’s just part of the story.
Buddhist teachings talk about the illusion of self, but they don’t suggest obliterating the ego altogether. Instead, the focus is on recognizing that the ego is a construct—one that we can observe without being controlled by it. This is why mindfulness practices are so powerful—they help us notice when the ego is at play without needing to force it away.
Indigenous wisdom often speaks of balance within the self—the importance of honoring all aspects of being, including the mind, body, spirit, and emotions. There’s no war against the ego, only an invitation to bring it into harmony with the greater whole.
Modern Science: The Ego as a Functional Part of Human Psychology
From a psychological perspective, the ego isn’t some rogue force that needs to be shut down—it’s actually essential to our ability to function.
Carl Jung spoke about ego integration rather than ego death. He believed that a healthy ego was necessary for wholeness and that rejecting parts of ourselves only led to deeper inner conflict. His work emphasized shadow integration—bringing the unconscious parts of ourselves into awareness so they can be healed and understood, not destroyed.
Neuroscience tells us that the ego plays a crucial role in how we interact with the world. Our sense of self, our ability to plan, and our capacity for self-reflection all stem from networks in the brain associated with the ego. Studies on identity formation have shown that trying to suppress or reject the ego can actually lead to psychological distress, while self-compassion and integration lead to greater well-being.
Harvard research on self-awareness highlights that those who have a healthy sense of ego (as in, self-awareness without self-obsession) tend to be better decision-makers, have stronger relationships, and experience more life satisfaction.
So, scientifically speaking, your ego isn’t a mistake—it’s part of how you navigate life. The key is to work with it, not against it.
How to Work With the Ego Instead of Against It
So if ego death isn’t the answer, what is? Balance. Integration. Love. Here are a few ways you can start working with your ego instead of trying to erase it:
Check in With Your Ego Like You Would a Friend
When you feel your ego getting loud (maybe in defensiveness, comparison, or the need to prove something), pause and ask: What are you trying to tell me right now?
Practice Ego Awareness Without Judgment
Instead of labeling the ego as “bad,” simply observe it. Notice when it’s stepping forward and how it’s influencing your thoughts. Awareness itself creates space for balance.
Cultivate Self-Compassion
If your ego is acting up, don’t shame it—thank it for trying to protect you, then gently shift back into heart-centered awareness.
Engage in Practices That Bring Ego and Heart into Alignment
Meditation, breathwork, creative play, movement—anything that allows you to move from ego-driven reactivity to heart-centered presence is a great practice.
Love All Parts of You—Including the Ego
The ego isn’t something to fight. It’s something to hold with kindness. The more you embrace it, the less control it will have over you.
Final Thoughts: More Love for All of You
At the end of the day, you are not here to wage war against yourself. Every part of you—your ego included—deserves love. So instead of chasing ego death, why not explore ego balance? Why not invite all parts of yourself to the table, listen to what they have to say, and integrate them into the beautiful, whole being that you are?
Because true empowerment isn’t about cutting away pieces of yourself—it’s about embracing every part of you and walking in harmony with it all.
Love to you, always.
*I HIGHLY recommend checking out Native and Indigenous sources to do a deeper dive into the topic covered. The very short paragraph included here has the intention to bring awareness to this perspective, but not speak for it. Please check out more in depth information directly from the source!
