Letting Go of Attachments: Exploring Control on Our Path to Self-Discovery
Today, we’re diving into something most of us wrestle with from time to time: control. And let’s be real—it can get tricky! Especially when our empowerment and expansion journeys bring us face-to-face with some attachments that feel, well, tough to let go of.
One of my guiding principles is that our moment-to-moment choices are our creations. Each choice can be a step toward or away from our authentic selves. Today’s question is designed to help us step a little closer. It came through when I was tuning into the energy of control, and it’s a good one for shaking things up:
What external outcomes have I created attachments to in my experience?
Maybe you’re wondering what this question has to do with control. Let’s break it down, because exploring this can help us release what no longer serves us and align more deeply with our true selves.
Recognizing Attachment to Outcomes
Let’s start by looking at some real-life examples. We all have expectations, right? Maybe it’s expecting a partner to act a certain way, or hoping that our career path unfolds without a hitch. Sometimes it’s wanting certain societal systems to change (and we feel we need them to change in a specific way and on a specific timeline), or it could be a hope that a certain truth comes to light for the world to see.
Whatever it is, if we’re feeling stress, anxiety, or a bit of frustration when things don’t go exactly as planned, there’s likely an attachment there. I know for me, a huge one used to be wanting specific validations for the work I was doing. For example, I wanted others to acknowledge the positive impact of my energy work right away. And as soon as I started attaching myself to that outcome, I noticed that joy started slipping away from the actual experience. I’d created an unnecessary pressure and tension that didn’t serve my path or my purpose.
Why Letting Go of Control Opens New Doors
It’s natural to want certain things to happen a certain way; that’s part of being human! But when we’re attached to these outcomes, we can actually limit what’s possible. When we focus on control, we’re essentially closing ourselves off to the unknown—a space where all the new opportunities and possibilities live. Think about it: how often has life surprised you in a way that turned out better than you ever could’ve planned?
Letting go of control can feel intimidating because it means surrendering. But it’s also incredibly freeing. I’ve found that, more often than not, releasing attachments has allowed things to unfold in ways that are way beyond my wildest dreams. It’s like the energy I’d been pouring into making things go “my way” gets freed up to bring in something even better.
Ancient Wisdom on Letting Go
When it comes to letting go of attachments, ancient and native traditions have some truly powerful insights to offer. Many indigenous cultures, for instance, view life as an interconnected web where everything flows naturally when left in harmony. Attachments, in this sense, are seen as blockages in the flow. The Lakota people, for example, emphasize the concept of Wolakota, which embodies living in balance and harmony with oneself and the universe. This wisdom teaches that clinging too tightly to specific outcomes disrupts this balance and creates unnecessary suffering.
Similarly, in Taoist philosophy, the concept of wu wei—or effortless action—invites us to align with the natural flow of life rather than forcing things to happen. It’s about trusting that the universe is inherently wise and that resisting or controlling outcomes only leads to struggle. The teachings of Buddhism also echo this truth, with the concept of non-attachment being central to achieving inner peace. According to the Buddha, attachment is one of the primary causes of suffering, and releasing it can free us to experience life with greater joy, clarity, and presence.
These ancient teachings remind us that letting go isn’t about losing control; it’s about gaining freedom. They show us that surrendering isn’t a weakness but a strength—a way to dance with life rather than trying to direct every step.
The Science of Letting Go
Letting go of attachments is not just a spiritual concept—it’s also backed by neuroscience and psychology. Studies have shown that our brains are wired to seek predictability and control as a way to reduce uncertainty and maintain a sense of safety. However, this need for control can sometimes backfire, leading to stress and anxiety when things don’t go as planned.
One key area of research is the connection between attachment and the stress response. When we cling to specific outcomes, our brains perceive deviations from those outcomes as threats, activating the amygdala and triggering the fight-or-flight response. This not only impacts our mental health but can also take a toll on our physical well-being. Chronic stress, for example, has been linked to conditions like heart disease, high blood pressure, and weakened immunity.
Interestingly, research on mindfulness and acceptance shows that practicing non-attachment can significantly lower stress levels and improve overall well-being. A 2016 study published in the journal Emotion found that people who practiced mindfulness and cultivated an attitude of acceptance had reduced emotional reactivity and were better able to cope with life’s uncertainties. Similarly, a 2020 meta-analysis revealed that acceptance-based interventions, like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), helped reduce anxiety and depression by fostering a mindset of openness and flexibility.
These findings highlight how letting go isn’t just about spiritual growth—it’s also about taking care of your mental and physical health. By releasing attachments, we’re not only freeing up emotional and mental energy but also supporting a more balanced, resilient, and harmonious life.
How to Use Today’s Question
So how can you dive into this? There are a few ways, and I always encourage you to go with what feels most natural for you:
1. Journaling: Write today’s question at the top of a blank page, and let whatever comes to mind flow onto the page. You might write down outcomes you’re attached to or ways you’re holding on to certain expectations. Don’t judge yourself as you write; just let it out. You might surprise yourself by what shows up.
2. Meditation: Take a few deep breaths, center yourself, and sit with, walk with, or dance with the question. What do you notice as you reflect on it? Pay attention to any resistance that comes up—it might point directly to an attachment that’s ready to be examined.
3. Everyday Reflection: If journaling or meditating aren’t your style, simply ask yourself this question throughout the day, especially when you’re feeling tension or frustration. See if there’s an attachment hiding under the surface that’s craving a little release. You can find reflection through friends and family as well, even if they don’t hold your same beliefs, what they say can bring light to things you may otherwise not have noticed.
A Note on Self-Compassion
A quick reminder: be gentle with yourself! Exploring attachment is not about judging ourselves or creating guilt. It’s about creating awareness. If you find that there’s something you’re deeply attached to, know that it’s okay! Embracing our attachments is part of the journey, and often, it’s the first step to letting them go.
Beyond Control: Embracing Possibility
The thing about attachments is that they often create a box around our experiences. We think we need things to go a certain way, so we try to control, micromanage, and predict outcomes. But the reality is, sometimes life has something better in store, something we can’t see until we open up to the unknown.
The more we trust in the process and let go of needing to know what’s next, the more room we create for expansion. It’s like planting seeds in a garden and allowing them to grow in their own time, in their own way, rather than forcing them to bloom when and how we want.
In Closing: Staying Curious About Your Journey
When we explore questions like “What external outcomes have I created attachments to?” we give ourselves the opportunity to see where we might be holding ourselves back. It’s like clearing out the mental clutter, creating space for what we truly want to invite into our lives. And who knows? The best version of what’s meant for you could be right around the corner, just waiting for you to release your grip on control.
Remember, there’s no rush and no “right” way to approach this. Trust that your journey is unfolding perfectly for you. If this question stirs something within you, follow along for more—you’re not alone in exploring this. We’re on this journey together, learning and growing one step at a time.
Love to you, always
And here’s to letting go and making space for the magic that’s waiting to unfold :)
*I HIGHLY recommend checking out Native and Indigenous sources to do a deeper dive into the topic covered. The very short paragraph included here has the intention to bring awareness to this perspective, but not speak for it. Please check out more in depth information directly from the source!
