Structure and Flow: Finding Love in the Balance
Hey there, it's Whit, here with another reflection from the heart. This one feels especially tender, especially real, and especially human. It's about love, structure, flow, and how sometimes what we resist ends up being the exact thing that opens our hearts.
Last week, I was sitting with the memory of my dad. April 3rd would have been his birthday in his human form, and every year around this time, I find myself tuning into his energy a little more intentionally. I let the memories come. The feelings. The stories. The teachings. The reminders of how he loved, how he showed up, and what I continue to learn from him even after his passing.
One of those memories hit me differently this year.
For as long as I can remember, my dad called me once a week. Same day. Same time. Every time. Like clockwork. The calls were short, maybe 15 minutes max, and if he had a vacation or something else going on, he would always give me a week's notice. I used to feel sad about these calls. Like I was a meeting in his schedule. Like I was being fit into a routine, not called spontaneously out of the blue because he was thinking about me or missing me.
Back then, I equated spontaneity with love. Surprise texts. Last-minute visits. Random, out-of-nowhere affection. That's what love looked like to me.
But what I see now—what I feel now—is how deeply loving those calls were. That structure was love. Predictable, steady, unwavering love. He never missed. That was his way of saying, "You're important to me. I choose to show up for you." And wow, what a beautiful way to be shown love.
Love in Structure, Love in Flow
We talk a lot in spiritual and healing spaces about flowing. Following your excitement. Living in the moment. And yes—yes! Flow is beautiful. It's where we dance with life, with spontaneity, with creative spark. But structure? Structure can be love too.
And here’s the thing: for a long time, I lived heavily in structure. I was type A, checklist-oriented, organized to the minute. And I thought that was the only way to do life. Eventually, that became constricting, and I began unraveling those systems to find freedom in flow, openness in the unknown, magic in the moment.
But now? I'm coming into a space where I see both. I desire both. Flow without any structure leaves me scattered. Structure without flow feels too rigid. But a rhythm that includes both? That’s where I feel most me.
Ancient Wisdom on Rhythm and Harmony
Many ancient traditions deeply understood the balance between form and fluidity. In Taoism, the concept of Yin and Yang reflects this beautifully. Yang is structure, action, sun, logic. Yin is flow, intuition, moon, mystery. Neither is better than the other. Both are needed for balance.
In Indigenous wisdom, rituals often blend structure with deep flow. There might be a ceremonial outline, a rhythm or set of practices passed down for generations, but within that structure is space for spirit to move freely, for improvisation, for the unseen to arrive. The structure holds the sacred. The flow invites the divine.
Even the natural world, one of our greatest teachers, moves with this balance. The seasons are structured, but the weather shifts moment to moment. Rivers flow with freedom but are held by the shape of the land. It’s all a dance.
What Science Has to Say
Our nervous systems love a little structure. Routine provides a sense of safety and predictability, which helps reduce stress. But guess what else supports brain health? Play. Creativity. Exploration. According to research in neuroscience, engaging in playful, unstructured activities can boost problem-solving skills, emotional resilience, and even support neuroplasticity.
When you give yourself the gift of both, a foundation that feels stable and space to play within it, you’re actually supporting your nervous system and expanding your capacity for joy, adaptability, and expression.
Playing with Structured Flow
So how do we start living in the space where love lives in both structure and flow? Here are a few playful prompts and activities to explore:
Journal Prompts:
What does structure mean to me? What feelings do I associate with it?
When have I experienced love through structure? Through flow?
What areas of my life feel too rigid? What areas feel too chaotic?
What might it look like to bring more flow to something structured, or more structure to something flowing?
Playful Experiments:
Make a Flowy Schedule: Create a "structure" for your day but let it be loose. Block out time like "Creative Playtime" or "Movement Window" and then let yourself intuitively decide what to do in the moment.
Spontaneous Structure: Pick something you always do on a whim, like dancing, journaling, or making tea, and schedule it into your week. See how it feels to give it a designated space.
Design a Love Ritual: Inspired by my dad’s weekly calls, create your own structure of connection. Maybe it’s sending a love note to a friend every Sunday. Or checking in with yourself every Friday night with a warm cup of tea.
Nature Mirror Walk: Go on a walk and notice how nature holds structure and flow at the same time. Trees are rooted and still, yet dance in the wind. Streams follow a path, yet shift with every pebble. What do you notice?
In Closing: Love in the Steady, Love in the Surprise
Whether it’s a weekly phone call, a spontaneous text, a structured morning ritual, or an unplanned afternoon nap, there are infinite ways to love and be loved. We don't need to pick one way. We just need to listen.
My dad taught me that. That even in something as simple as a weekly phone call, there can be a lifetime and beyond of love.
So, how do you dance between structure and flow?
Love to you, always.
*I HIGHLY recommend checking out Native and Indigenous sources to do a deeper dive into the topic covered. The very short paragraph included here has the intention to bring awareness to this perspective, but not speak for it. Please check out more in depth information directly from the source!
